65. Bad Stand-Up Comedians

I’m not a stand-up comedian, not yet at least. Or likely ever, but wouldn’t it be nice? Well, I’m no stand-up comedian, but I am a writer, and much to some people’s dismay, stand-up actually requires you write your routines before you go up and do them, not improvise. Shocking, I know. My point in this is you have to both be funny and a good writer to do stand-up. If you can’t write but you’re funny, go be an actor or something, I don’t fucking know.

Donald Glover is sort of a good example for this. He’s a great actor and a funny dude, but if you watch his stand-up comedy, oh lord is it boring. Which is strange, because his raps can be quite witty, but put him on stage and ask him to speak and he seems to break down.

Then there are comedians who can’t write and aren’t funny, like Trevor Noah. Or Samantha Bee. Or Amy Schumer. Or Daniel Tosh. Most of these unfunny ones get their own shows, but it’s really bad when they’re political. Oh hey, you weren’t a good writer to begin with, and you couldn’t do funny for your life. I’m sure you can do cutting edge political humor or satire for millions of dollars an episode, right? Wrong? Well, who cares. Kids will laugh at anything these days. Family Guy is still on air, right? Trevor Noah could definitely go choke on a dick, though. Jon Stewart was a million times better.

Comedy Central isn’t very comedic, however. Unless you’re looking at their roster, that shit is hilariously bad. It’s unfunny show after unfunny stand-up comedian, after unfunny movie aimed at stoners. They’re also the ones that keep giving these people money, so fuck Comedy Central.

Stop giving these people money, they don’t deserve their fame. It baffles me how anyone can tolerate bad stand-up, it’s like listening to your friend tell shitty jokes for an hour and a half. It’s also baffling how there are people who are funny, but flop when they get on stage.

Then there’s Aziz Ansari. Fuck him. Sure, he’s not as bad as Amy Schumer, but my sister compared me to him the other day and I’m still pissed about that one.

Next Up: Edgy stand-up comedians, also known as my ambivalence to Jimmy Carr


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