57. Anakin is a Commie

I only have one more poem to do for this month, so fuuuuuuck writing more about poetry. I found a one off fanfiction today for a little quickie, just to get my mind back into story mode.

Well, it wasn’t a one off. It’s a 19 chapter fanfiction, but it’s really short.

“Comrade Skywalker: Episode I: The Private Property Menace” is an expert piece of satire (I hope, I’m sure) where Anakin is given the Communist Manifesto by Obi Wan. He cuts off his Padawan braid because it’s a sign of rank, and he starts wearing a Che Guevara tee shirt.

“‘Skywalker, why are you wearing that symbol of hate?’ Mace Windu asked.

‘It’s not a FUCKING symbol of FUCKING hate!’ I cried. ‘Che Guevara fought against the racist Western exploitation of South America, you FUCKING RACIST!’” Did someone get Anakin a Tumblr?

This is surreal to read, and probably one of the best things I’ll see in a while.

“‘I don’t know, why does your FUCKING head look like a FUCKING roast chicken?”

Seriously, this is like reading a communist version of My Immortal, and for the first time, I can say I’m proud to read a fanfiction, because this is just- it’s categorized “Adventure & Romance.”

 

Anakin goes on to convert another Jedi, and then goes to “free” his mother from Tattooine, and this dialogue only gets better. And by better, I mean better than the prequels.

“‘Anakin, I love you, don’t do this!’ She cried, trying to use her femininity to manipulate me.

‘LIAR!’ I cried, calling on the Force to assist me in pushing Padme out the ejection port along with her decadent regalia.” Um, Anakin, Pinochet was the one pushing communists out of flying objects. Get your facts straight.

Seriously, this is just beautiful. Go read it, or you’re a pinko, commie, red scum.

TAXATION IS THEFT.

That is all.

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