Well, I took a week off from writing blog posts, and have spent a good few hours playing Fallout, so I guess I’m refreshed enough from the mental torture I put myself through, meaning I can tackle another fifty chapter garbage-fire from everyone’s favorite website, Wattpad. This wll be another double post, the first summarizing, while the other goes in detail on the story and its flaws.
I knew what I had to do when I saw #dragons was a popular search, and so I found another teen fiction called My Monster. I was filled with rage damn near immediately when I saw how many chapters this shit had. And the anger was directed at me, because two fucking years later, I still haven’t gotten over a couple thousand words in a novel I’m trying to write, but these fuckheads can go pound out 50 chapters and call it a day.
We get the gist of it all in the introduction, another unpopular girl in high school suddenly gets attention from the class heartthrob (and she’s a virgin, because we can’t let that concept die,) the popular girl hates her for it, and then a guy from Australia comes to her school, and because he’s Australian, he’s automatically hot. It’s never the bogan that shows up in a story, because no one wants to fuck white trash, just like we never see chavs when the English are represented. (I’m thankful for this actually.)
You, dear reader, may also have noticed that this sounds a lot like the summary to Twilight as well. Well, it’s not like Twilight was very original to begin with.
Our main character, Sophie Green, is “so antisocial that she might be a sociopath. Her mission in life is to survive high school without murdering someone.” And every chapter but one is titled “I Hate ___.” She’s an edgy little know-it-all, with a catchphrase. “Whatever.” Whatever is her goddamned catchphrase. You edgy, Daria wannabe.
There’s a rose analogy in the first chapter, that’s how you know it’s clichéd. Everyone makes the rose and thorn analogy, even the fucking bible does it.
Everything is delivered without exposition, which always annoys me about shit writing. Show don’t tell is the most basic rule, but we already get her dad’s medical history in the first few paragraphs. So I knew it would be a wild ride in this story. And by wild I mean clichéd and boring.
I wonder if I’ll get trauma from these stories.