I hope anyone who reads this appreciates what I do, because this is actually physically painful to read. I have better things to do, like an essay on a book I haven’t read yet, but no, I’m sitting here reading shitty Wattpad stories. 51 chapters. My priorities are definitely straight.
So the tense is present tense, even though this person is telling a story, and that really annoys me. You’re not playing Dungeons and Dragons, you’re supposed to be telling something that happened to the characters. That’s one of my many pet peeves with this story.
The plot: This girl is one of the world’s edgiest and most cynical people (she hates sweets,) and this guy that she hates vows to steal her love by Christmas. Now of course, just to be contrarian, the author makes this douche character physically perfect, and his only flaw is that he’s a manipulative asshole, because we’re supposed to avoid clichés. But she’s not your average good girl! She can manipulate him too! Ignore that girls always have the upper hand when a guy is trying to win them over because that’s how the dynamic works. And this girl is Jewish, because apparently:
- This sorry sack of shit needs to be part of the tribe. I’m so proud.
- She wants to be a doctor.
- You’re not truly cynical until you’ve been a Jew.
- The writer is doing a self-insert. Seriously, her name is Einat Segal. I don’t need my Jew-dar on to know one of my kind.
Back to the story, every attractive person in this story has something wrong with them. Strange how some people view the world, only the attractive have a fatal flaw to them, instead of every person.
I’m a cynical “misanthrope” that has a problem with everything (as this blog evidences,) but even this character makes me want to vomit, then go cuddle some puppies. Everything is a complaint, everything is bad, everyone is bad. Fucking kill me.
The writer also acts like no one likes ginger girls, which isn’t true. No one likes ginger guys, but ginger girls, well that’s a whole different story.
“And then there’s the accent. Whether British, South African or Australian, I can’t tell,” Have you even heard what a South African sounds like? It sounds nothing like the other two. There’s a shit ton of influence on the South African accent besides the British, like the Dutch (Afrikaans), and oh I don’t know, the local Africans themselves. Idiot.
It’s time for an anecdote, children. My mom loved Twilight. Read all the books, watched all the movies, and as a wee lad, she made me watch them with her. I never enjoyed any of them, and not because the characters were bad. I was a kid, I didn’t know what character development was for the life of me. But do you know why I hated them? Because the plot was always boring. No redeeming qualities, even to an elementary schooler. It was dry conversation after dry conversation, drama that didn’t work, and nothing actually funny or interesting that would invest me in it, make me suspend disbelief.
This story suffers from the same problem, it’s dry conversation after dry scene after dry exposition, and when something “good” is supposed to happen, you want to vomit from how clichéd and boring it is. I’m literally getting Twilight flashbacks from this. So what else do you want to hear? The Australian is a monster, Shawn pulls some dirty stuff, and this all just goes even further downhill. Because it’s actually possible.
I’m saddened that this pathetic shit gets popular, and I’ve never been one to believe in the appeal of popularity. It’s boring, it’s clichéd, and I felt my brain trying to crawl out of skull from how unlikeable this is. That’s all I’ve got to say. Fuck this, I’m going to enjoy my weekend.