41. Styx- More like “This Band Blows.”

Good and bad writing is everywhere, even in music. I feel like musicians forget this. You can write an amazing song musically, but if your lyrics blow then you’ve failed at half of your song.

What’s worse is when these shitty songs enter the pantheon of the classics. Name me a rock radio station where Styx doesn’t get played. And Styx is the biggest perpetrators of this crime. This bowel movement of a band is on every classic rock station, and some people treat songs lie Come Sail Away as masterpieces akin to Stairway to Heaven and Another Brick in the Wall. (As much as I like Led Zeppelin, I can’t help but concede that Stairway is also an example of this. What do those fucking lyrics mean? Nothing, it’s Led Zeppelin. They had to be higher than the goddamned Sears Tower when they wrote it. Even Robert Plant doesn’t like it.)

But has anyone even taken a look at the lyrics of Come Sail Away? Fuck Styx. It’s like a few clowns picked up instruments and started writing goofy ass songs. Actually, that’s insulting to clowns. Come Sail Away has the same structure to a first grader’s story. Or a fan fiction. What’s the difference?

“So I’m sailing away, yeah? Sailing. I’m sailing. Then these angels came down! Yeah, fucking angels, it was fucking sweet. But get this, GET THIS! These angels? Yeah, they weren’t angels, they were ALIENS! AND THEY TOOK ME AWAY ON THEIR SPACESHIPS WOO I LOVE THE SEVENTIES I’M SO FUCKING HIGH RIGHT NOW.” – My paraphrase of this shitheap song.

How the hell is Styx still seeing radio play? Those fuckers do county fairs now! This doesn’t make any fucking sense. Fuck Styx. Fuck ‘em hard and fuck ‘em all night. Piece of shit band.


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