34. D’Spayr: A Douche in a Pompous Land – Part 2

I found the plot. Believe it or not, I found the plot. The plot is: Some guy named Bluhd, because the cool guys need edgy names spelled slightly differently, he wants this scrawny kid tha D’Spayr finds, because the kid is magical. He’s a wytchborn, because it’s too lame to spell witch properly. Some old woman is taking care of the boy, and tells D’Spayr that Bluhd has a flittership, or a skyship. So this guy Bluhd is like super duper evil. He comes from a lineage of evil people. Bloodthirsty really.

The more I read this, the more I felt like I was reading the lyrics to some amateur black or fantasy metal song. This just means that the guy wants to ruin everything I love, metal included.

The plot continues, Bluhd wants to go and find this place called Katamahr, where there’s still order and civilization. He wants to destroy it, but can’t unless he has The Object that the boy and the old woman have.

As expected, D’Spayr is your nineties anti-hero. Bad ass, cynical, doesn’t give a fuck about other people, and will talk down to anyone. The problem? This trope is overused and sucks. It got spent-up in a short amount of time, and only 14 year old boys like it.

We learn that D’Spayr knows Bluhd, and after a long description of why, we literally get:

“Oh, by the way, he is my half-brother.”

Calling all tropes, calling all tropes, will the “evil family” trope please come to the counter. How did this “author” fit so much crap into just part one?

And so the story goes, journey continues as we’d all figure. This was painfully boring to read, just absolutely and horribly boring. Blocks of text filled with description took the place of dialogue, and whatever dialogue there was, was stiff and blocky. It’s almost like the “writer” learned how to write dialogue from anime subtitles.

Do I blame the guy for trying? No. I despise the story, but maybe if he grows up a bit and loses the exposition and edginess, he can write an actual sci-fi story. But like I’ve said before for other pieces, the chances of this happening are so fucking slim. So I don’t blame him for trying, but I do blame him for not trying harder. The lack of dialogue, the over imposition of exposition, and the absolutely horrible names, I give this story a 5.5/10. Try harder not to be boring, and don’t litter names with apostrophes. That trope is saved for elves and orcs in fantasy.

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